So take a chance
by jardnas
Summary: Glimpses of Blaine's life from his childhood, to his life before Dalton, while he was at Dalton, his transfer to McKinley and into his future.
1. Chapter 1

****This first chapter includes 22 drabbles, not in chronological order, but instead set to coincide with the lyrics of Teenage Dream. They weave in and out of each other and are basically my Blaine headcanon. It's vaguely AU (I gave Blaine a little sister), but takes place in the Glee verse as we know it.

**1. You think I'm pretty without any make-up on**

Blaine had been punched before, just never in the face.

It was a fact of life for him in middle school. Usually it was just a sock to the gut when he least expected it, walking out of a class, or going into the boys bathroom, or turning away from his locker. He knows the other guys called it "sneak attack." He thought high school would be better, apparently, he was wrong.

This was the first visible bruise though. His parents were going to see this one, his teachers, his sister, and the nice lady from across the street. He could see it. Every time he looked in the mirror, he could see it and it spoke volumes. Words like:

Victim

Loser

Pathetic

Faggot

Everyone else was going to be able to hear those words and more. He couldn't hide it, he tried to put some of his mom's concealer over it, but it was just too dark of a bruise, with too many different colors.

Who could ever love a face like that? No one. He'll leave the makeup off. It would probably just lead to more scorn in the long run.

**2. You think I'm funny when I tell the punch line wrong**

Blaine was always a little bit nervous. He was jittery, worried, anxious, probably because he'd learned the hard way that there was no way of knowing what was around the corner. So he kept his ears and his eyes open at all times.

The thing is though, when Blaine was nervous he would just talk a lot, too much, too fast, making a bit of a spectacle of himself. It was just a vicious cycle. He was nervous because people picked on him and people picked on him because he didn't know how to be invisible.

He couldn't quite stop himself from making a joke. He wanted to make people laugh. Blaine was one of those people who honestly believed that laughter was the best medicine. When people were laughing with him, instead of at him (while kicking him in the gut and calling him names) things almost seemed alright.

But no one ever really seemed to get his jokes. And people rarely ever laughed with him instead of at him. And the cycle just continued. He really needed to get a filter between his brain and his mouth.

**3. I know you get me, so I let my walls come down, down**

Blaine had approximately one friend. A girl, Jenna, who lives in his neighborhood, who goes to the private girls school the next town over and doesn't really know anything about the way Blaine is treated in school.

Even at 13, Blaine knows he doesn't really like girls the way he's supposed to. The way men are supposed to feel about women. But he loves talking to Jenna. She listens and she's smart and sometimes he lets pieces of himself, his real self, slip out.

He mentions to her one day, in passing, in a way that he wants to be perceived as casual, that he has a crush on someone. He lets her weasel it out of him, and when she finds out that it's the boy who sits next to him in math class, her eyes won't meet his anymore.

"Blaine, it's not that I don't want to be friends with you anymore, but that's weird. My mom would be pissed if she knew I was friends with a homo."

Blaine walks home, ignoring the tears on his face. He just wanted someone to know.

**4. Before you met me, I was all right**

Blaine's parents are becoming aware of their son's anxieties. His mom is a therapist and she's picking up on some pretty common symptoms associated with social anxiety disorder. Blaine was always prone to a certain amount of interpersonal sensitivity but she's surprised by the way it's manifested itself.

Where Blaine used to be confident in most situations, he's started withdrawing more and more. Observing Blaine interact with new people has become nearly heartbreaking and even her own interactions with him have been on a steady decline. When pressed about his behavior, Blaine is nonchalant about it and it's ironic that those are the moments she sees the old Blaine.

Most of the time, those glimpses of Blaine are few and far between. She discusses options with her husband. Blaine's dad thinks there's a chance it's just a phase. His mom decides that if she notices signs of worsening anxiety or panic attacks, she'll get him in to see someone.

But somehow, she doesn't realize that Blaine is retreating. She doesn't notice that he no longer spends time with the neighbor girl. When she finally notices, it's all a little too little too late.

**5. But things were kinda heavy, you brought me to life**

Blaine keeps his head down, as the door to the classroom swings open. He'd rather not make eye contact with anyone. He knows people have noticed his black eye. Some of his classmates winced and he noticed his science teacher had to stop herself from touching it.

Blaine's teacher cleared her throat. "Class this is a new student, Eli," she said. "Eli joins us from Los Angeles."

It was only then that Blaine looked up to see a tall and surprisingly good-looking boy standing awkwardly at the front of the class. He's a bit sun-kissed, the way you imagine people from California are and he has a mildly dorky bowl cut. Not that Blaine is one to talk, his hair is a look he likes to think of as "wacky professor-like."

Eli catches Blaine's eye and grins. Like a real grin, an actual, "Hey! I see you there!" grin. Blaine can't help but grin back sheepishly. Blaine felt like he hadn't smiled in a year, maybe things were looking up. Too soon he remembered about his black eye and decided the new kid was probably just laughing at him.

**6. Now every February you'll be my valentine, valentine**

Blaine wants nothing more than to just crawl in a hole. Everything he's ever thought about himself is true. He's useless and so bad at reading guys and he should just join a monastery. There's no point in trying to woo guys. He really thought Jeremiah was cool and interested and it seemed like maybe something could happen between them.

Now Blaine just feels like a total ass. He's not sure how can come back from that kind of humiliation in front of the Warblers. And Kurt! He'd been trying to be so freaking cool in front of Kurt, as if he were some kind of gay love guru. He doesn't know shit about gay love. He barely knows anything about love period.

Later on at the coffee shop, Blaine was shocked by what Kurt was saying to him. He was flabbergasted by his own oblivion. When Blaine really thinks about it, he knows he liked Kurt from the start, but he couldn't believe that anything would happen and hadn't even allowed himself to dream of it.

Blaine buries his blush in the cool of his pillowcase and decides not to cry.

**7. Let's go all the way tonight**

On Blaine's first day at Dalton Academy, he was a bundle of nerves. He knew he could handle it academically. He had missed most of his freshmen year because of the severity of his injuries, so he was repeating the grade.

But he was terrified of socializing. He felt like he hadn't talked to anyone his own age in decades. He knows he looks like a deer in the headlights when one of the guys approaches him in the hall.

"Hey, you're new right? I'm Wes."

"Yeah, I'm Blaine. It's a pleasure to meet you." Blaine winces at the formality of the phrase.

"I heard you might be interested in joining the Warblers," Wes is saying when Blaine tunes back into the conversation.

"What, was there a background check?" Blaine is a little shocked by his sudden boldness and swagger. He didn't know he had it in him, but there's something about the realization that people already know things about him that makes him feel like he doesn't have to hide.

"Something like that," Wes responds. "I'll see you tonight at auditions."

Something good was going to happen tonight, Blaine decides as Wes walked away.

**8. No regrets, just love**

Blaine isn't sure when it happened, but Eli has definitely become his friend. Having even just one person who seems to actually care what you have to say makes a difference, though Blaine is very cautious about revealing too much about his feelings or whom he's attracted to.

Eli is almost as much of an outsider as Blaine is, except Eli runs cross-country so he talks to those guys and that's who they sit with at lunch. Blaine thinks about joining the team next year, it's already too late this season.

Eli comes over to Blaine's after cross-country one day. His parents are going to be out all night at one of his sister's many gymnastics competitions.

They decide to watch a movie and when Blaine comes back to the couch, Eli catches his mouth in a soft, warm kiss.

"I'm sorry!" Blaine yelps as he pulls back in shock.

"Why are you sorry?" Eli asks, with a smile teasing his lips. "I'm the one that kissed you."

"I, I know. But I'm gay," Blaine says.

"I know dude. That's why I kissed you."

Blaine can't help but laugh as he relaxes into the couch cushions.

**9. We can dance until we die**

Blaine loves to dance. He's not good at it per say, but he loves to just turn the music on really loud and dance the heck out of life. He doesn't even really care what he's listening to, he just likes to move. It was a retreat for him when things got bad. It always cheered him up and no one could take it away from him.

When he first transferred to Dalton, he was sure that living in the dorm and having a roommate would be the end to his nightly dance parties. As it turns out, he was really wrong. He dances more at Dalton than he ever has in his life. And he loves it more and more every day and he's actually getting better at it.

When he first joins the Warblers, he consciously tries not to be old Blaine. The one who rambled and made bad jokes, he even attempted to be silent and still and listen. But it's just not him. Pretty soon he can't stop trying out for solos or giving suggestions on dance moves.

Sometimes he really can't believe this is his life and he just smiles.

**10. You and I will be young forever**

When Blaine was 6, he was riding bikes with Jenna. They were only allowed to ride down to the end of the cul-de-sac and back to Jenna's house. But it was pure bliss and freedom when you had just gotten your training wheels off.

"Do you wanna go eat lunch at my house?" Jenna asked.

Blaine was hungry. No denying that. And his mom had morning sickness because of the baby. So, he decided eating at Jenna's house was a good idea.

When they walked in the door, Jenna's mom was talking on the phone with Jenna's aunt about their favorite soap opera.

"I just don't understand why they decided to make her a lesbian. It just seems so wrong to me, not to mention incongruous with the rest of the show." Pause. "Well, I see what you're saying but I don't need to watch that kind of smut..." She turned around and saw Blaine and Jenna in the doorway. "Ah, I think it's lunch time. We'll have to finish this debate later. Or never."

"Hi kids," Jenna's mom said. "Shall I call Blaine's mom and let her know he's over here for lunch?"

**11. You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream**

Blaine was on edge the whole night, waiting for the other shoe to drop. When the principal read Kurt's name and Kurt fled from the gym, Blaine immediately followed.

He's not going to try to talk Kurt into going back in. The last thing Blaine wanted to was to go back in that gym. Kurt's humiliation was his humiliation. It hit too close to home. He didn't even want to be at this dance and he momentarily berated himself for being such a softie when it comes to Kurt. When Kurt resolves to go back in, Blaine has no choice but to follow.

The next thing Blaine knows Kurt's alone on the dance floor. Blaine is terrified of moving into the spotlight, into the same situation that put him in the hospital for weeks after the Sadie Hawkins dance. But he can't leave Kurt alone out there. Blaine sucks in his breath, musters all of his courage and asks Kurt to dance. He doesn't let himself look at the crowd. He focuses solely on Kurt.

It doesn't make everything better, but they both get to live the dream for awhile.

**12. The way you turn me on, I can't sleep**

Blaine was alone in his hospital room in the middle of the night and he couldn't get back to sleep.

As he lies in this really uncomfortable hospital bed, he knows that going to the dance wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth the badly broken arm, the cracked ribs, the ruptured spleen, the concussion. Not to mention what it did to his heart. The doctors couldn't stitch or plaster or pin his heart back together.

They said he was young and that he would bounce back. That he would be good as new again in a few weeks, a couple months tops. But Blaine new he was different. He was changed forever. There was nothing he could do about it.

The worst part was that it wasn't like he and Eli went to the dance in the name of love. They liked each other as friends. They had kissed but it had been more experimental than attraction. Blaine wonders why they took the risk at all.

He could be at home right now in his own bed. He could still be whole, but he knows he might never be whole again.

**13. Let's run away and don't ever look back**

Blaine dismisses the idea of a fight club the first time is comes up in a conversation. And the second, the third and fourth time. But by the 10th time someone brings it up during the same week, Blaine realizes that nobody is joking about it anymore.

He picks up Palahniuck's book and gives the movie a rewatch. Blaine's been boxing for about a year, he picked it up as a way to to make himself feel safer after everything. He's light on his feet- you know butterflies, bees, that whole drill.

The other guys saw him boxing and that's where this fight club idea came from. He's not sure he's good enough to teach anyone anything. He's also not sure he could ever really fight anyone. Fighting is dirty. And fight club is blood and guts and not anything that Blaine is prepared to deal with. Too many years of being the victim to that kind of violence.

On the other hand, maybe there's a different Blaine buried deep inside. A warrior, an aggressor, that needs to come out of him. Maybe there's a Blaine that isn't crying or hurt or heartbroken by the world, but rather an angry Blaine.

Or maybe not. Although it might be time to find out.

**14. Don't ever look back**

Blaine doesn't have a ton of friends. It might look like he was fairly popular to the naked eye, but there's a difference between everyone knowing who you are and actually having friends.

He assumes most of his classmates just think he's kind of a show off, the lead singer of the Warblers, so when he's not always gregarious, they figure he's a jerk. When in reality, he's not very good at striking up conversations or small talk. He's just so completely... awkward.

Because of these perceptions, Blaine is only friends with the Warblers. But he also kind of wants a friend of his own, not to always feel like he's just tagging along. He's not looking for a boyfriend, he's not sure if he's really ready to be someone's boyfriend. Just someone to talk to, someone who likes him for who he is.

He's thinking all this as he races down the main stairs to get to the Warbler's impromptu performance. He checks his pocket watch, which when he considers it from other people's perspective, it's probably sort of a ridiculous affectation...

And then a voice from behind him says, "Excuse me? Um, hi, can I ask you a question?"

**15. My heart stops, when you look at me**

Blaine's mom decides that if he's set on going to the Sadie Hawkins dance, then he's going to need some decent pants. Not jeans or cargoes, but something more trouser-ish. She drags him to the mall the week before the dance. Blaine doesn't want to go, the mall is a place where there are too many variables.

He's right to be nervous. As soon as they walk into one of the side entrances he sees a small mob of several of his tormentors seated near the fountain. He feels the acid rise in his stomach and he wants nothing more than to hide. He tries to make himself small, but the movement catches their eye. The movement of surrender is like a magnet to guys like these.

The whispers and snickers and laughter begin a moment later. Blaine's heart stutters as his eyes make contact with one of the worst offenders. They don't do anything in front of Blaine's mom though and she seems sadly oblivious to what's really going on.

Blaine hates the pants she buys him that day.

When those pants are torn and bloodied after the dance, Blaine relishes the idea that they were thrown in the trash.

**16. Just one touch, now baby I believe**

Blaine has always been susceptible to nightmares. Not night terrors or anything like that, but bad dreams that come out of nowhere, ever since he was a kid.

The first night he and Kurt have a sleepover, Blaine warns him about his nightmares. He's pretty sure he has a tendency to kick and he knows he talks a bit. Kurt as usual is unfazed.

Over the next several years, Blaine and Kurt share a lot of different beds. Through high school and college and beyond. Blaine never remembers nightmares when he sleeps next to Kurt, though he knows he still has them sometimes. When he tells Kurt this one day, Kurt smiles knowingly.

"What?" asks Blaine.

"Well," Kurt starts, "if you wake me when you're having a nightmare, I do this thing. I never mentioned it because I was worried you'd think it was creepy. But I smooth the hair back from your forehead until your face relaxes."

"Okaaaay," Blaine says, expectantly.

"And then I take my knuckles and kind of nudge your cheek with them, like this. Until you smile in your sleep and you just... relax." Kurt looks away vaguely, like he's worried how Blaine is going to react to this confession.

"You, you do that?" Blaine wonders at the thought of what such a simple touch can do.

**17. This is real, so take a chance**

Blaine's heart is once again trying to leap up his esophagus and lodge itself in his throat. His palms are clammy, his head is foggy and he's 98% sure he walked into a wall just now. That will hurt later.

He's looking for Kurt. He can't stop thinking about Kurt. He knew his feelings were changing after Kurt's confession on Valentine's Day, but since then Blaine's fear had gotten the better of him. He really doesn't want to humiliate himself again. Blaine's been working really hard lately not to be humiliated.

But when Kurt sang Blackbird, Blaine couldn't take it anymore. He thought about what he could say, he even wrote it out a couple times. He's pretty sure Kurt isn't going to reject him, but that doesn't mean that this isn't the most nerve-wracking thing that Blaine has ever done. What he could have with Kurt is worth the anxiety.

He's settled on the phrase "you move me." A little corny, but Blaine has decided that the truth, lame as it might be, is the way to Kurt's heart.

Several hours later, Blaine is really proud of himself and can't stop smiling. Turns out he was right about the truth.

**18. And don't ever look back, don't ever look back**

Blaine approaches Sam the next morning at his locker.

Blaine: Hey. (Sam looks up wearily and nods in greeting.) Listen, I'm sorry about yesterday afternoon. I don't even really have an excuse. It was just a totally dick thing to do.

Sam: Um, thanks. Finn told me he talked to you, but…

Blaine: It wasn't just about Finn. I guess, I'm like … kind of a prude sometimes. (Blaine laughs, trying to lighten the mood)

Sam: Not a big deal. (Sam chuckles)

Blaine: (Blaine smiles his most Blaine-ish smile) No really, though. I don't want you to think I was judging you or looking down on your or something. I'm not actually like that. I didn't mean to act like that.

Sam: I shouldn't have pushed you.

Blaine: No way, I totally deserved that. I can take it. People act like I'm some kind of tiny, delicate flower. I can hold my own in a fight these days.

Sam: (Sam can't help but grin at that.) Anytime, anywhere Anderson. I heard rumblings about a fight club.

Blaine: First of all, you and Finn gossip like little old ladies and secondly, seriously, why does everyone always want to talk about fight club? I can't talk about it!

**19. We drove to Cali, and got drunk on the beach**

Ten years after the Sadie Hawkins dance, Blaine finds himself in LA for his cousin's wedding. Eli still lives in town, in a house right on the beach.

Blaine is a bundle of nerves as he pulls up in front of the house in his rental car one evening. Though they've talked a lot over the years, reconnecting on Facebook during Blaine's last year of high school, they've never actually talked about that night. He knows that Eli was in therapy for a long time afterward, as was (and is) Blaine. But maybe talking to each other about it is what they always needed.

When Eli opens the door, Blaine is shocked by the person behind it. Eli is tall and athletic and so much more confident looking than Blaine could ever imagine feeling. Eli grins at him, that same grin that Blaine remembers from 9th grade, the one that seemed to warm him up. They embrace and Blaine feels tiny in a good way for once.

"I'm glad you're here," Eli says as he closes the door.

They spend the evening on the beach, drinking Coronas with lime, getting perfectly blitzed on them and Blaine can't help but think about what his life might have been like if they hadn't gotten beaten up. He must say this out loud because Eli is saying to him, "Gay bashed, Blaine. We were gay bashed."

"We were gay bashed," Blaine says quietly, testing it out.

**20. Got a motel and built a fort out of sheets,**

There's another knock on Blaine's door just as settles into bed to watch bad daytime tv.

"What now Sarah," he says with a sigh.

His sister peaks her head around the door and bats her eye lashes at him. "Mom says you have at least two more blankets you could give me and maybe a pillow."

"Seriously? Why? And I need this pillow for my arm. And I'm cold, so you can have one of the other blankets." He's only been half paying attention to what she's been flitting around doing for the past half hour, but it's probably something ridiculous.

"Fine. But I'll be back again," she threatens as she storms off.

Blaine rolls his eyes, but still kind of wonders what she's up to and he's fairly bored now that he's feeling better. As he makes his way downstairs, he's stopped by a large mass he sees out of the corner of his eye in the formal living room that no one ever lives in.

"Sarah?"

"NOOOO!" she yells from the largest blanket fort Blaine has ever seen. The structure is actually fairly impressive. "You weren't supposed to see it yet." She hops out from somewhere in the middle, red faced.

"I made it for you. I wanted to cheer you up and mom said that was a good idea, but she wasn't sure you were going to be able to get in it, if you're hurt too much."

Blaine suddenly feels like crying and he knows in that instant he's definitely not "hurt too much" to get into this masterpiece from his baby sister.

**21. I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece**

It's an ongoing theme with Blaine, always feeling like he doesn't have one good friend. He had, still has Kurt, but now that Kurt left for college, things are different. And Kurt was always more than a friend, even before they actually knew each other.

It's so embarrassing to be 18 years old and to feel like you've never had a friend.

Blaine tells himself that it's probably better this way. He won't be too attached to people when he leaves for college next year. Whether college means New York with Kurt, or striking out on his own, maybe Stanford or something. It's better that he won't have to say good-bye to someone else. (These are the lies he tells himself sometimes.)

Except.

Tutoring Sam has turned into something he actually looks forward to, he's constantly playing Artie on Words with Friends, Tina asked him to go to the Lima Bean with her twice last week and Rory continues to crack him every time they sit next to each other in Glee.

So, before he loses his nerve and remembers he's terrified of rejection, he sends out a mass text to see if anyone wants to go to the movies this weekend.

And every single one of them says yes.

Suddenly, he realizes he doesn't have "a" friend, he has four.

**22. I'm complete**

"Blaine, if you don't let me take you to get your hair cut soon, I'm going to have to cut it off while you sleep," his mom threatens over breakfast one day.

"Yeah," his sister agrees, "It's starting to look like a bonzai tree."

"You guys are SO funny!" Blaine says, the sarcasm thick in his voice, though he also can't help but smile, because it's nice to talk about something inane.

Things are better now that his parents have decided to keep him out of school for the rest of the year. It's been 6 months since the dance and Blaine is better, but not fully healed necessarily. But soon, he tells himself, soon.

And his mom's right, it's time for a hair cut.

Blaine sighs in the salon chair as the scissors start snipping. He needs a new look; he doesn't want to be Blaine of the wacky curls anymore. He wants to be in control. Maybe looking like he's pulled together on the outside will make him feel pulled together on the inside.

When his hair cut is over, the chair is spun back to the mirror. And he barely recognizes the face in the mirror, but he likes what his sees.

This is the new Blaine.


	2. Chapter 2

**23. Let's go all the way tonight**

"You're a vegetable, you're a vegetable, you're a vegetable," Blaine's mindless singing is cut off by Kurt's voice.

"I got it, Blaine, I'm a vegetable."

"Hey Kurt! I'm so glad you're here, I was thinking maybe we could totally do it! Maybe you could take some of my medicine and I've already taken some and we could just, like, just totally do it." Blaine is feeling awesome right now. The dull pulse in his eye barely even registers as pain. More like a memory of pain or a foreshadowing, but right now, he really wants to cheer Kurt up. Because Kurt is being sort of a bummer.

Kurt gives him a tight lipped smile and says "I'm gonna pass on that one Blaine, but how about you move over-"

"And we cuddle!" Blaine says with the enthusiasm of a small child who has been informed that they're getting a puppy.

Kurt nods and moves onto the bed. Blaine is more than happy to rest his head, which has steadily grown heavier during this exchange, on Kurt's chest.

A few minutes later, Kurt assumes Blaine has nodded off, when suddenly Blaine says, "You're a vegetable Kurt."

"I know Blaine, I know."

"Are you smiling now?" Blaine asks.

"I most definitely am."

**24. No regrets, just love**

Blaine really doesn't want to have any regrets.

And he's extra sure of that when it comes to picking a college. He'd always pictured himself going to Stanford, double majoring in music and something to be determined (that his father approved of).

But then Kurt came along and blew everything out of the water.

Blaine missed Kurt so much he transferred high schools for him. Again. Blaine missed Kurt so much, he flew to New York twice in one month. (Not something Blaine's dad was thrilled with, to be honest, but it was Blaine's money.) And now Blaine is really considering going to college someplace close to Kurt.

He's gotten into the habit of talking to anyone he can find about this. If they stand still long enough for him to say "Stanford" or "NYU," they get an earful. He's pretty sure Ms. Pillsbury ran away from him the other day. To be fair, he had cornered her outside the staff bathroom.

Blaine has gone through the motions. He's made his pros and cons list. He's come to terms with the fact that going to Stanford means No Kurt and that going to NYU means Yes Kurt (with a side of Rachel).

He's shocked when he steps off the plane in California in the fall of 2013. He really is, but he knows he'll never regret it. Because he'll be with Kurt forever, no matter the distance.

**25. We can dance until we die**

It's a simple ceremony. Just their families and their closest friends. Somehow Rachel convinces them that she should sing their wedding song. And it's funny, in that way that makes you kind of want to punch yourself in the face. Though Blaine and Kurt did draw the line at her writing a song for them.

Blaine is just happy to be in the Hudson-Hummel back yard, on what is probably the most glorious evening that Lima, Ohio has ever known. The air and the light dance as closely as he and Kurt do. Blaine feels poetic as the sun goes down, aided by a few glasses of champagne.

When he looks around at the people in attendance, Blaine is in awe by how much love he feels. Some of his old friends from the Warblers even managed to come and his roommates from college. All of New Directions class of 2012 are here and most of the class of 2013 too. Blaine, the boy who never had a real friend before he was 18, suddenly has amassed more than he could ever imagine.

He's sad that his dad didn't come, but he tries to think about other things as he dances with Sarah and his mom and then Rachel; and then the night away with Kurt.

**26. You and I will be young forever**

Blaine's alone in his bedroom when he hears the doorbell ring. He's been out of the hospital for two weeks and has pretty much been alone in his bedroom since then. Eli's parents decided that they're going to move back to California. So Blaine needs to get used to being alone. The good news is he doesn't have to go back to school for at least a month.

He hears his mom greet someone at the front door, though the exchange is muffled. A minute later, there's a knock on his bedroom door.

"Come in," he says. The face that pokes through the door is the last person he expected.

Jenna.

"Hey," she says, "I saw you come home from the hospital the other day and I heard what happened to you and I really wanted to come over, but it's been so long since I talked to you and I just want you to know that I'm sorry. About what happened to our friendship and about what happened to you after the dance. I think it sucks." It comes out in such a rush that Blaine needs a minute to take it all in.

"Hi, and... thank you," Blaine answers.

"Do you mind if I sit? Maybe hang out for a while?" Jenna asks.

It's not everything, but it's something.

**27. You make me, feel like I'm living a teenage dream**

From the first time the Warblers performed at last year's sectionals with Kurt on board, Blaine has felt balanced. He loves having Kurt in his corner, which was one of the reasons he transferred to McKinley. He needs the confidence that Kurt gives him.

When he dances his way down the concrete steps on the second day of school, he can't stop smiling. Kurt's practically glowing and Blaine feels like the epitome of cool. The cheerleaders are dancing around him and it seems like the whole crowd is just enthralled.

He doesn't notice until it's too late. The piano is in flames and suddenly the whole crowd is silent. They went from totally digging the show to offended in a heartbeat. He had nothing to do with this, but there are a lot of dirty looks coming his way.

This is not what Blaine had planned. This is the opposite of what Blaine had planned. The smell of lighter fluid and smoke will make him feel defeated for years to come, it makes him terrible company at bonfires and on camping trips.

But then, he feels a soft but strong hand snake into his own. And he remembers why he's here.

Blaine will try to edit out the flaming piano and concentrate on the performance that happened first and the hand in his own later. He'll concentrate on the dream.

**28. The way you turn me on**

Blaine really doesn't want to admit it, but when he first meets Sebastian he's initially attracted to him. Not like he's going to dump Kurt and elope with Sebastian or something, but he does find him appealing.

Blaine is 16 years old and he doesn't want to fault himself for being attracted to people besides his boyfriend.

Blaine works these thoughts over in his head while he chats idly with Sebastian over coffee. This is their second meeting and he still hasn't mentioned Kurt. He needs to mention Kurt before he starts feeling guilty. Blaine hates feeling guilty.

Blaine also hates how much he loves Sebastian's compliments. He's taken aback by most of what Sebastian is saying, he really isn't trying to be a bashful schoolboy. He really needs to start paying attention to this conversation and he needs to tell Sebastian about Kurt. He berates himself for not bringing his boyfriend up sooner.

And then Sebastian actually gives him a great segue and Blaine is nothing but relieved to finally mention Kurt.

Because talking about Kurt is one Blaine's favorite things to do, second only to actually being with Kurt.

Sebastian might be good looking, but he's smug, and quite frankly, he's just not Kurt. And he never will be.

**29. I can't sleep**

Blaine stares at the ceiling listening to an ongoing battle between his parents in the living room.

He's 10 years old, he's heard plenty of fights in the past, but somehow this one, this argument, there's such venom behind their words and he's scared.

He really doesn't want them to notice he's awake but he's really worried that Sarah is awake and scared too. The idea of passing by the stairs and them looking up and seeing him there is enough to keep him in bed. He's seen masks of anger on his parents faces before and wants to avoid having them turned towards him.

But again, he thinks of Sarah.

He sits up, making no noise. He moves his feet to floor, making sure to skip the squeaky board at the end of his bed. He slips through the crack in his bedroom door and in a moment of silliness he drops to the ground and army crawls across the hallway carpet. It sounds like his parents have moved towards to the kitchen.

He reaches Sarah's doorknob and slowly opens it. He finds her curled into a tiny ball at the top of her bed, her eyes wide and scared. But the second she sees Blaine, they soften.

He tip toes across the room and slides under her covers. Within minutes they're asleep and that's how their parents find them in the morning, curled together in a mess of Dora the Explorer sheets.

**30. Let's run away and don't ever look back**

Blaine doesn't mind Sam Evans in the least. But he reminds Blaine of someone. From the second Sam emerged from the curtain last year at Sectionals, Blaine felt like he was familiar. And every time he saw Sam after that he would try to figure it out.

Maybe it was denial. Or maybe it was self preservation, but as Sam started demonstrating a body roll, Blaine finally put it together.

Eli. Sam looks so much like Eli.

The night before the Sadie Hawkins dance, Blaine and Eli were goofing around in Blaine's bedroom. Eli was showing off a variety of "awesome dance moves," including such classics as the sprinkler, the ride on lawn mower and roll the dice. Then he started doing body rolls and Blaine couldn't stop laughing.

Eli did some of his moves at the actual dance, until some of the jocks started throwing rolled up dollar bills at Blaine and Eli on the dance floor. "Look at you two faggot whores dancing for money!" The cruel laughter rang around them.

They quickly moved away from the scene, but the damage was done. And Blaine felt dirty.

Looking at Sam, in this moment in the McKinley High choir room almost 3 years later, he's upset that Sam doesn't know better. And he knows there's no way to really explain to Sam what's wrong.

Sam's body roll was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Blaine sees red as he storms out of the room.

**31. Don't ever look back**

Blaine drives to New York with Kurt and Burt the week before Labor Day. Kurt didn't even have to ask him, because Burt was the one that brought up the road trip, pretty much the day that Kurt got into NYADA. Blaine is always so surprised with Burt's acceptance of him. Always so flattered when Burt wants Blaine around, during what could clearly be father/son time.

They leave Lima as the sun rises and the three of them take turns driving throughout the day, finally checking into their hotel in the city around 8 that night. Kurt can start moving into his dorm at the 9 the next morning.

Move-in day is spent in a frenzy and flurry of boxes and bags and suitcases. They go out for dinner and then the realization hits- Kurt is going to his dorm and Burt and Blaine are going to the hotel.

And it's time to say good bye.

Blaine hates being clingy. He doesn't even know how to be clingy. But he can't stop touching Kurt. He knows he needs to back off, give Burt his turn. So he does. They're all crying, but there's also a feeling of relief that they've made it this far, and the knowledge that this isn't forever. Love isn't dampened by distance.

Blaine and Burt drive out the city wordlessly the next morning before dawn, both of them trying their damnedest not to look back.

**32. I'm a get your racing in my skin-tight jeans**

"Good Lord, Blaine!" Kurt cried when he entered Blaine's room. "Did you steal those from Sarah?"

"No," Blaine says, with just a hint of defiance in his voice. "They're mine. I like them." Blaine is not particularly comfortable in such tight pants, but he's trying to dress a little trendier for Kurt. He's trying to lunge some of the tightness out of the jeans and he's starting to look an awful lot like Jonah Hill at the end of Superbad.

He misses his bow ties already.

"Blaine."

"Kurt."

"You really don't have to do this. I see what you're doing here." Kurt says, knowingly.

Kurt is often berating Blaine for not being himself, for trying to be whoever Kurt wants him to be. But that's Blaine's thing. He craves acceptance, like Tinkerbell needs applause. He's embarrassed that Kurt can see right through his charade.

"I just want … to look good for you. I want you to look at me and be, uh, attracted to me," Blaine says, awkwardly to his bedroom carpet.

"Blaine."

"Kurt."

"Blaine. You know I love you no matter what you wear, or how you look, or if you do ridiculous lunges of the Jonah Hill variety in front of your bedroom mirror. I'm going to have this put on an index card and then laminate it and keep it in my wallet for when you act like a moron."

Blaine makes a pouty face, but allows Kurt to slide the ridiculous jeans to the floor.

**33. Be your teenage dream, tonight**

Blaine is a little bit lonely his first few days of college. He'd gotten used to summer, which was bursting at the seams with people.

College is also bursting at the seams with people, but Blaine has momentarily forgotten how to act around strangers. People ask him where he's from and why he decided on Stanford and if he has any siblings. And he answers as best as he can, "Lima, Ohio. In the end, it was just where I wanted to go. A little sister." But he doesn't know how to reveal deeper pieces of himself.

"Fear of rejection Blaine" is taking over "Good natured, friendly Blaine."

He resolves to take baby steps. Smile at people more, greet whoever sits next to him in class, wave when he sees a face he recognizes from his dorm.

He can do this. He can do all this without Kurt. He's still Blaine, maybe even a better Blaine than he ever was before. He's healing; he thinks his heart and his mind are finally catching up with a body that healed years ago.

He finds himself loosening up, gelling his hair less, saving bow ties for special occasions. He whistles in the shower and falls in love with Palo Alto.

Kurt is still wonderful Kurt and Blaine misses him so much sometimes, but Blaine is living his own dreams for now.

**34. Let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans**

Blaine is drunk, though he's not sure why, since he only drank one beer.

Dancing with Sebastian was ok, but when Kurt joined him on the floor it got way better. And he really wants Kurt. He's trying to figure out how to convince Kurt to have sex with him right now. Not here in the club, because that's skanky. But maybe in the car.

He doesn't want to leave yet though, so they dance until they're sweaty and Kurt has some water and Blaine finds another beer in his hand. Or is it the same beer? He only meant to have one.

Blaine feels confident and he knows Kurt just freaking loves him.

He decides to tell Kurt that he wants to have sex with him, that it's the perfect time, right now, right away. He tugs on Kurt's belt loops, dragging him down on the seat with him.

But Kurt doesn't relax into Blaine like he normally would. Blaine feels Kurt resist, he feels Kurt stiffen and not in the good way. (Bazinga! Focus Blaine, he tells himself.)

Kurt is really upset.

Blaine doesn't want to cry, but he's so close to crying and he can't cry in front Kurt. He's never cried in front of Kurt. He pretends to be mad, instead of hurt. He can't stop what he's about to say. "I'm sorry if I'm trying to be spontaneous and fun!"

Oh, Blaine, you're such a dickhead, he thinks to himself as he ambles into the shadows and finally let's himself start to cry.

** your teenage dream tonight**

It's a funny thing, the way life works out.

Blaine and Kurt lived in New York for several years after college. Blaine missed Palo Alto, but he knew that New York was where Kurt really wanted to be and Blaine could handle that. After a few years, they adopted a daughter and named her Elizabeth.

After becoming parents, they realized that all they wanted was to be closer to their own families and to have Elizabeth grow up with grandparents and cousins. So they moved back to Ohio, where Blaine took a job as an elementary school music teacher two towns over and Kurt was a stay-at-home dad and did some freelancing for fashion magazines.

Blaine often felt overwhelmed with joy at how easy and simple things became as he got older.

Everything wasn't perfect, obviously, Elizabeth went through a tantrum phase, Kurt would leave every light on in the house and Blaine always forgot to call if he was running late. But it was all so minute compared to the happiness.

Blaine had a nightly ritual. At first, Kurt thought it was weird and Blaine could tell it made him kind of uncomfortable, but Blaine couldn't help himself. He wanted to say something more than "I love you," he wanted to find something beyond "You are my world." He ended up on settling for two words that almost conveyed what he felt. He hoped Kurt understood.

Every night, after they turned off the light and curled under the covers, Blaine would say, "Thank you."

**36. You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream**

Blaine's doing his homework at the Lima Bean one Saturday afternoon. It's really crowded and he's starting to feel bad that he's taking up a table for four by himself. He sighs and starts to clean up his books when he senses someone standing next to him.

When he looks up, he sees a guy with really incredible hair and ridiculously pretty eyes.

"Do you mind if I sit over here?" mystery man asks, gesturing towards the chair opposite Blaine. "This place is packed!"

Blaine is really flustered. He nods in what he hopes is a cool way, but is probably more bobble-headed than he'd like to admit.

The guy smiles and sits down. Blaine tries to think of something, anything to say. What do people say to other people? Blaine no longer remembers how to speak English.

"Oh man, chemistry is the worst," mystery man says with a smile, as he leans across the table towards Blaine. "Seriously, I don't think I could take chemistry again for love or money."

To this Blaine laughs, in what he hopes is a casual fashion, but he's pretty sure is bordering on maniacal.

"I'm Blaine." Blaine finally remembers what speaking English entails.

"I'm Jeremiah," says mystery man.

Blaine knows that this isn't the classic "meet cute" he'd always hoped for, but he's pretty sure this is the man of his dreams.

**37. The way you turn me on**

"I like your hat," Kurt says breathlessly, as the last notes of Love Shack fade away.

"I like your tie," Blaine says, feeling ever so slightly lightheaded by the whole scene around him.

Blaine suddenly feels shy. He had planned out every moment of his grand entrance and serenade, but forgot about the part where he would actually get to talk to Kurt. Blaine loves plans and he wishes he had thought of something perfect to say to Kurt right now.

"I was worried I wasn't going to see you today," Kurt admits, rousing Blaine from his thoughts.

Blaine's surprised. He also forgot to take into consideration that it's 8:30 pm on Valentine's Day and he hadn't even talked to Kurt yet, save for a text early in the day.

"Kurt, I knew I was going to make it to this party for the past couple days, and I guess I didn't consider that you didn't know, even though I knew it was surprise. I'm sorry, I should have..." Blaine is shaking his head, babbling, not able to meet Kurt's eyes.

Kurt cuts into his apology. "It's ok Blaine. This display more than makes up for it. If you're trying to woo me, it's really working." Relief washes over Blaine.

"Did I perhaps even turn you on?" Blaine asks with a quirk of his eyebrow. (Good lord, he thinks, it's nice to have two functional eyes again.)

"Oh, indeed. That little thing, with the tie pulling? Let's reenact that on the way to the car. "

**38. I can't sleep**

Blaine is a little overwhelmed.

He kissed Rachel and it was … really fun. It was easy and fun. He'd never kissed a girl before, he never even really talks to girls. Maybe he thought he was gay but he's really just shy around girls. He thinks about this for the rest of the weekend, between the pounding of his hangover headache at least.

He desperately wants to discuss this with someone. When Rachel calls to ask him out, he says yes. And he's so glad that Kurt's right there, so he can bounce his thoughts off of him. But then Kurt is saying kind of mean things. And Blaine is getting really upset. He just wanted to talk to his friend about how he might like a girl.

Instead he just feels like an idiot, as usual.

He goes out with Rachel and has a lot of fun. But mostly finds himself thinking of all the things he wants to tell Kurt about the "date." He knows that's not what most guys think about on dates. Blaine has a sleepless night, worrying about his fight with Kurt.

The next day, when Rachel kisses him at the Lima Bean, his foray into heterosexuality ends rather abruptly.

He and Kurt make up. It's that simple because they're friends.

Blaine starts to think that maybe the next date he goes on needs to actually be with Kurt.

**39. So take a chance**

Blaine has something to say to Kurt but he's not sure how to say it. As usual, he turns the Warblers for assistance. They agree to help him out, which is more than Blaine could have hoped for, after the way some of Blaine's "big ideas" have backfired.

Blaine isn't much of a risk taker, but Kurt is worth it.

As the Warblers make their way across school grounds on the day of Kurt's transfer back to McKinley, Blaine is vibrating with nerves and excitement. He can't wait to sing for Kurt, but he's worried about being out there, in front of all the students. How were they going to react? Blaine is all too familiar with how cruel the world can be.

But he needs to do this for Kurt. Kurt deserves the grand gesture and with his fellow Warblers on hand, Blaine knows that he has the courage to give Kurt a proper send off.

Blaine gives his prepared speech and the sun is almost blinding, but that's a relief because no one can see the tears in his eyes. He begins to sing and immediately falls into his comfort zone. Looking at Kurt in the afternoon sun, Blaine knows that the risk was worth it.

He hugs Kurt and makes his way back up the stairs. When he turns around, he can already see that Kurt is where he belongs and where he wants to be. He mouths a silent "Thank you" to Kurt and realizes that Kurt has given him an awful lot to be grateful for.

**40. And don't ever look back**

Blaine's mouth drops when he sees Kurt on the spiral staircase. He can't help it. There's something about the boy who stands before him that awes him. After being momentarily struck dumb, Blaine feels the desperate need to touch this boy.

He offers his hand to shake, because that seems better than nuzzling a stranger's face. Which is the weirdest reaction Blaine has ever had to anything and is fully aware that it would not be socially acceptable.

Blaine hears some of the things he's saying to Kurt and his brain is contradicting almost every word.

"Rock stars, Blaine? We're not actually rock stars, we're a bunch of teenagers with a weird hard-on for Robert's Rules of Order."

He makes it through this encounter and it seems like the other boy, Kurt, is completely unfazed by Blaine's over the top word choices.

And suddenly Blaine has Kurt's hand. They're running down an empty hallway together and this feeling is rising in Blaine's chest. This feeling like this moment should be so awkward and yet it feels so right, in every conceivable way.

He knows who Kurt is of course and he knows he's here to spy. But there's something else that brought Kurt here today, Blaine can sense this.

Blaine wants to make Kurt's day a little better. But he also finds that he wants to make Kurt's whole life better. Blaine thinks that the indefinable something he's been looking for just arrived on his doorstep wearing a red tie and a shy smile.

**41. Don't ever look back**

Blaine's been trying to decide how to propose to Kurt. It's their 10th anniversary and it's time.

Blaine writes on a slip of paper "because with you, I am home" and secures it to the ring. He then placed the ring on their key plaque. When Kurt gets home, he'll tell him to look at the key rack and when his back is turned, Blaine will drop to one knee. Blaine is really proud of this plan.

While he waits for Kurt to get home, he sits at the piano and plays songs from their high school years. Blaine doesn't hear Kurt enter the apartment, until he senses a presence behind him.

"I was on my way home and I stopped to pick something up for you. You're the person who taught me about spontaneity and right now, I want to show you all I've learned," Kurt says, with an earnest expression, as he slowly drops to one knee and holds out a ring.

Blaine can't help but laugh and accept the ring from Kurt. He then says "Instead of saying yes, I'm going to direct you to our key holder."

Just like the plan, Blaine drops to his knee as Kurt turns and finds the ring.

When Kurt turns back around, he says "I can't believe we somehow simultaneously stole each other's thunder."

Kurt drops to the ground in front of Blaine, and Blaine tackle hugs his new fiance in a fit of laughter.

Life is good and Blaine will never look back.

**42. My heart stops**

During Blaine's senior year, Sectionals is held at Blaine's old school. The school he went to before Dalton. At this point, there aren't any students left there that would know or remember Blaine. The problem is that there are so many bad memories attached to the building that just thinking about going there makes Blaine's breath quicken and his heart stop.

He can't back out of singing for the competition. He's a leader now.

He's so scared though.

He hasn't told Kurt because he knows Kurt will be in the middle of exams and he doesn't want him to try to fly home just for Sectionals. Instead he turns to Tina. He knows he can trust her with this. And he hopes that she'll at least listen and lend him just enough support that he'll make it through.

She listens patiently as he lists his concerns and his fears and his confusion. He tells her that he's never been back there since that night and how it haunts him. When he's done she asks the one question he doesn't know the answer to yet.

"Do you want to confront or avoid the scene? Either way Blaine, I'll be right there."

And when competition rolls around, she really is right there the whole time. As they walk off the stage, Blaine is filled with adrenaline. He turns to Tina, and with resolve etched into his face he says "I want to confront it."

So they do.

**43. When you look at me**

When all their eyes turn to Blaine, he says, "I'm looking forward to marriage equality in all 50 states."

And he really means it. This is something Blaine genuinely wants to see.

But before he said it, his mind was racing.

He had a dozen other answers but he wasn't ready to share any of them with the group. He knows that he's far more entrenched in New Directions than he was even a month ago. He just isn't ready to share something as personal as Sam or Puck or Santana did.

But later, when he's alone with Kurt, he tells him his list.

"I look forward to marrying you. I look forward to my dad being proud of me for something, someday. I look forward to every sunrise run I take. I look forward to trusting some of the Warblers again. I look forward to having a home of my own and doing things the way I believe they should be done. I look forward to distancing myself from all the bad shit I dealt with, but not forgetting it. I look forward to believing in my choices. I look forward to having a career and being an adult. I look forward to singing everyday. I look forward to learning to play the guitar. I look forward to getting into college. But most of all, I look forward to loving you forever and you letting me."

Because these are the things that Blaine Anderson holds closest to his heart and are therefore the things he can't always share.

**44. Just one touch**

Blaine is propped up in bed the day after he came home from the hospital. His mom promised that she would get him a milk shake, but he exploded at suggestion of going with her. She's not sure she's ever seen him react like that to anything.

When she returns with the shake, she sits next to him on the bed. And tells him the most innocuous stories she can think of, mostly about something Sarah said or the day she watched their across the street neighbor try to fix his sprinkler system. She just wants to soothe him.

She wants hold him, but she's hesitant. During the months leading up to the... incident, she'd try time and again to rub his back, or pat his hand, or hug him, like she did when Blaine was younger. But he'd shrug her off, move away, run away sometimes.

Since the... incident, it's only gotten worse. He flinches under every touch. The doctors, the nurses, the hospital councilor, no one could touch him without seeing him wince.

But she's his mother, for God's sake. She needs to touch him. He's so stoic, he's been so stoic, no trace of her Blaine anywhere in his features.

She screws up her courage, (no mother should ever be nervous to touch her child) and she touches his hand. He doesn't flinch, but she hears a sharp intake of breath and he squeezes his eyes shut.

When he starts to cry, (finally, finally he's crying) he let's her take him in her arms.


	3. Chapter 3

**45. Now baby I believe**

Kurt and Blaine do not want to become show biz parents. But Elizabeth is desperate to take ballet, like millions of other 4 year old girls in the world.

Blaine and Kurt hem and haw about it, not wanting to deny her a creative outlet, but also not wanting to get involved in the whole scene. Not to mention their legitimate fears that they might be raising the next Rachel Berry. They relent though, eventually.

They both stay to watch her first class and are pleasantly surprised by the whole experience. The other parents who watch the class seem fairly down to earth and a lot of their fears are put to rest.

While Blaine and Kurt watch, they're both in awe of this child their raising. She concentrates so intently on the teacher, she works so hard to do the simple steps just right. Her smiles to the other kids in the class are so warm and good-natured.

Later that night, Blaine finds Kurt lingering outside of Lizzie's room, leaning on the door frame, watching her sleep. He snakes his arms around Kurt's waist as Kurt murmurs, "I think it's time."

They've been talking about adopting again, having another child, raising another child. They'd always wanted more than one, but were never quite sure if it was in the cards for them.

Watching their daughter at dance class sealed their desire. Because if they could raise one kind, attentive, intelligent child, then surely they can raise another.

They start the paper work the very next day.

**46. This is real**

Blaine knows it's time to tell Kurt that he's made his decision about college. And it's time to deal with the repercussions of not joining Kurt in New York in the fall.

Kurt means pretty much everything to Blaine. But there was a different Blaine before Kurt and it's time that he gets what he wants. And what "old Blaine" wanted more than anything in the world was to go to Stanford.

What's weird, and what he worries that Kurt isn't going to understand, is that he isn't doing this for his parents. They might have planted the idea in his head, but his heart just ran with it. There were really terrible, lonely times in Blaine's life, before Kurt, and he would always hold onto this idea of California. Of sun and warmth and learning and just being his own person someday, in the bright far off future of college.

He calls Kurt that night and tells him everything he's been thinking and everything he knows to be true. He talks about how he wants to be with Kurt for the rest of his life and because of that, he's decided to go to Stanford.

There are several seconds before Kurt responds. But they're long and agonizing for Blaine as he steels himself for the worst.

"I'm so proud of you, Blaine. I'm so very proud."

Turns out Kurt knew what the right and real and best decision was long before Blaine ever wrapped his head around it.

**47. So take a chance.**

Blaine is a good dad. Kurt is a great dad, a phenomenal dad, but Kurt learned from the best. Blaine is good at talking to his kids and reading emotions and knowing when to back off. As the kids became teenagers things were a little tougher, but Blaine still has decent grip on it.

He comes down for breakfast one day and James is already at the table.

"You have got to be the most sullen person ever to eat a bowl of Lucky Charms," Blaine says as he puts some coffee on to brew. He picks through the box on the table and says "Purple horseshoe for your thoughts?"

James sighs and smirks up his father.

"I'm just really tired of some of my friends. They just can't stop themselves from saying really dumb... crap."

This is what Blaine has always feared. The day that one of his kids would come home and tell him that he was being bullied for having two dads. Blaine gulped audibly. He should go get Kurt, they should deal with this as a united front, but before he can say anything, James continues.

"I like this girl and they told her. But like, I wanted to tell her. I was just waiting until I was ready."

"Oh! Oh." Blaine knows this is serious stuff for a freshman in high school, but he was really prepared for the worst. "That's not so bad. You can fix that! Just … take a chance."

This is a very relieving turn of events.

**48. And don't ever look back**

Blaine plans an all out bash for Kurt's 40th birthday. Hires a band, rents out a hall, invites everyone that they have ever known, convinces the kids to keep quiet even though he knows they're terrible with surprises. Kurt's going to love it.

When the night arrives, things go off without a hitch. Sure, there are problems, Lizzie throws up under the table and fails to mention it to her parents and they find Puckerman in the coat room with Kurt's boss, but these are little things.

The night is full of family, friends, way too much food and quite a lot of booze-fueled dancing. Kurt smiles the whole night and Blaine is quite proud of the spectacle that he put on for his husband. There are of course some performances, it would be a party for Kurt if there wasn't. Then the night devolves into speeches for a while and devolves further when it seems like everyone just wants to make each other cry.

But when Kurt gets up he says that he's so grateful that everyone would come out and some from great distances- Rachel flying in for the weekend from New York, Burt and Carole back from Florida. Blaine listens from the very back of the room, where James has fallen asleep on his lap.

Before Kurt hops off the stage, he says "One last thing, Blaine? I can't see you, but I'm sure you'll know what I mean when I say thank you."

**49. Don't ever look back**

During the early months of their relationship, Blaine plays the day he met Kurt over and over in his mind. Thinking of the variables. The way things could have changed and the butterfly effect of it all.

What if Kurt had tapped someone else on the shoulder? What if he had decided not to spy at all? What if Blaine hadn't gotten up the nerve to give Kurt his phone number? Where would they be?

Over the years of their life together, it turns into a game they play. Particularly during college, they go over where they would be without the other. Sometimes it's sad, more often it's downright hilarious. Kurt decided long ago that without Blaine in his later high school years he would have decided to join the circus and train poodles. Which Blaine agrees would sort of make sense.

When people ask for the story of how they met, they tell it in tandem, filling in details, making fun of each other. They turn it into a performance, where Blaine does Kurt's lines and Kurt does Blaine's. They add to it and make stuff up and mock each other ceaselessly about certain things. The rock-star line is usually played up and put down, but it's all in good fun.

Because they have each other.

Because it happened.

**50. Epilogue**

Blaine's fingers didn't quite work as well as they used to. Some arthritis had set in, which kept him from playing the guitar a lot of the time.

But he needed to play tonight. He made his way out onto the porch, leaving the festivities behind him. He needed the quiet and the chill of the night, for just a few minutes of reverence.

They had always celebrated this day, this day was Christmas and Valentine's, anniversaries and birthdays, all rolled into one. Because it's this day that made everything else possible.

As he began to play, every line, every nuance made him think of something else, some moment from his life and the life he shared with Kurt. Some people might think it was just a bubble gum pop song, but to Blaine this song was the beginning and the end of everything he holds dear.

It was 65 years ago that Blaine and Kurt had saved each other's lives, 65 years of being each other's teenage dreams. Sixty-five years to the day that he had first sang these lyrics to Kurt.

It was also the first year that Blaine was celebrating without Kurt.

As he strummed the last chord, he mouthed "thank you."

"Pop pop," said a tiny voice from the doorway, "Were you singing to Grandpa?"


End file.
